“One of the woeful aspects of GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder: I haz it. I also haz bad and outdated Internet slang) is how it traps you inside yourself. Believe me, I don’t want to be stuck in here. It’s a very tense environment. There are a lot of rules and YOU BETTER NOT TRACK DIRT ON THIS CARPET, YOUNG LADY.

Yet somehow I’ve convinced myself that worrying is a form of control, and refusing to worry means giving up that control, so reading, which involves not worrying because I am in someone else’s head, feels a lot like being out of control. I am aware that this is irrational. Believe it or not, my being aware of the irrational-ness doesn’t help it to go away, though I reallyreallyreally wish it did.

And beyond that, I don’t want to be cracked open because I’m worried about what will spill out. Another aspect of Anxiety Woes is that they make your mind into a corset for your emotions. When I loosen the threads of that corset, everything starts to spill out— joy and excitement and love, on the plus side, and anger and sadness and frustration, on the minus. And a part of my mind—a very persuasive part—would rather have neither than both, because it’s just easier that way.

Some people read to escape, but that doesn’t work for me anymore, and that’s why. “